Overdoing it

Okay, I can’t be the only oneIMG_0498 who does this. As soon as I found out I had cancer, I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn’t be there to raise my kids. I was scared that my two boys wouldn’t remember who I was. I was scared that someone else would help my daughter get ready for her wedding or be the one to hold my grandchildren.

So I overdid it.

If something happened to me, I wanted to make sure that I went out with a bang. I wanted to create memories that even if the boys didn’t remember, they could at least look back at the pictures and think of me. I wanted to take my daughter to her first concert, even through she was only eight because what if I wasn’t there to do it when she turned fifteen. I wanted to take my son to meet his favorite person in the world, Mickey Mouse. I wanted to dress up like The Incredibles for Halloween because we had the perfect family for it and what if I wasn’t there next year to do it with them? I wanted to create the biggest, best birthday parties my kids had ever had because what if it was the last one I had with them? I wanted to be there to see them do everything.

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And so I overdid it. Really, in just one short month, before I even started my chemotherapy, I packed it in.

I took Madison to her first concert, Taylor Swift. It was a surprise for her eighth birthday. We got makeovers and sang along at the top of our lungs.

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The whole family got in the car and drove to Disneyland so Mason could meet Mickey Mouse and have one last family vacation before starting what we expected to be a miserable six months. 

We didn’t dress up like the Incredibles that year. I ordered the costumes but the sizes didn’t match up… it just wasn’t meant to be in that time. But the costumes were bought and I let my husband know that they needed to be the Incredibles the next year if I wasn’t around. But I was. And we were.

IMG_9521 I had the BEST birthday parties ever. And I had always been a little extreme with cakes, but this year, I went over the edge. I set the standard high – I’m going to have to dial it back in over the next few years.

And do you know what positive thing came out of this? We lived. People always ask “What would you do if you knew this was your last day?” We lived like these were my last days. We created memories. And the experience taught me to appreciate life, to not take any time for granted, to not think that one day we’ll get around to it, to do it now before it’s too late. Each day is a gift. Unwrap it. And then go ahead and make the most of it.

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